Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We got so high we made milksteak
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
