My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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