he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
