ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
