The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
