Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
