everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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