I bet he comes in French.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
