are you still at the devil's house?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
