I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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