the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
