There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
