We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
