How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
