I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
