Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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