I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
