Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
