All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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