the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
