so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
