i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
