i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
