It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
