hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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