I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
