I think I died a long time ago.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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