You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
