wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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