Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
