It's Friday. Sex?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
