First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
