FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
