am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All the doctor said was why
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
