I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
