Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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