the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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