shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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