Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
whose parrot is this?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
