I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
