So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
