My pussy is not your playground.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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