i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
