i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
