Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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