just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
