dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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