the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
