I accidentally had phone sex last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
