this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
