I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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