NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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