Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
