im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
