thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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