i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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