rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
do nipples grow back?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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